================================ ┼ ▨ Re..제가 한번 - 늦깍이 ┼ │ 제가 대충 손을 대어 보았습니다. 제가 아무 근거없이 망친게 아닌지 모르겠지만, 지난번에 이런 구조로 에세이를 작성해보니 6점을 주더라구요, 그래서 염치없게 이런 짓을 했습니다. 의문점이 있으면 알려주세요. 제가 말한 부분을 참조하시면 6점이 충분히 가능하다고 봅니다. │ ================================ │ ┼ ▨ 고수님들 점수좀... - 에세이6점 ┼ │ │ Q : Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents are the best teacher. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. │ │ │ │ Throughout my life, parents were the best teacher whom I have ever seen.(서론 초반에는 는 자신의 이야기가 아닌 일반적인 이야기가 좋을 듯 ; Parents play vital roles in children's lives in that they provide their offsprings with a means for development and love and most parents make great efforts to carry out such duties 정도로) (그리고 다음으로는 찬반 대립이 있다는 점을 잠깐 언급하시죠 ; some people agree with the idea for parents' uncontional love; others may argue that parents do not have special skills for teaching 정도로)(그리고 연결어 However)Even though I have seen many teachers, no one could have satisfied me as much as parents. They know their children best and they can take care of children with deep love and attention. This is the reason why parents are the best teacher in the world. Through the use of a couple of examples and specific explanation, I will demonstrate why I think it like that. │ │ First(이것보다 More than anything else가 좋지요), parents know their children best. We can teach someone very well when we understand his character, ability and aptitude. Parents know all that things more than any other teacher. When I was young, I had few friends. But because my parents knew that I liked to play ball, they made me to go playground where many children played. As the result, now I can get acquainted with a person easily. Parents helped me with understanding whenever I faced a bad situation. │ │ Second(역시 Moreover나 in addition), parents raise their children with deep love and attention. Affection and concern are very important thing for children’ lifetime. I know a cripple who deserted by their friend and teacher. However he grow into great manhood with parents’ particular attachment and interest. I am sure that only such parents’ love and attention can do it. Eternal love and interest are good example, which show parents’ ability as teacher. │ │ In conclusion(이 표현보다 To make a long story short이 남들과 차이를 내게 합니다.), (앞쪽에 다른 의견에 약간 받아들일 점이 있다는 표현 즉; no one denies the fact that othe experts may give special knowledge to children)(연결어 Nevertheless) I strongly believe that parents are the greatest teacher in children’ lives. Children need sufficient understanding, affection and concern, in my point of view, only parents can give it to their children.(마무리 즉: if people give much thought to positive effects of parents as a teache on their sons and daughters, most people would agree with my opinion정도) 정말 그 정도만 고치면 5점 이상은 나올까요? 그리고 body를 하나 더 쓸 필요가 있을까요? 또 그리고(?) 마지막 문장은 무슨뜻인지 말 모르겠네요... ps. 괜찮으시면 님 멜주소좀 갈쳐주세요.. 가끔 에세이 교정좀 받게요^^* 그럼 행복한 하루되시길^^*